So Graham Norton

"So Graham Norton" is a chat show in the UK which is shown on Channel 4, Grace appeard on Friday the 31st of July 1998, the actual recording of the event was the day before transmission. She was the main geust and of course stole the whole show! The audience must have been made up entirely of Grace's fans because they would go wild everytime Grace did something. This was also Grace's last appearance in the UK.

GRAHAM NORTON (GN): Right. As you know this is my show and I can do anything I want! So, I! [a little Disco number plays].....I want lights! In fact what I really want is.....Miss Grace Jones!! [Grace makes her entrance down a spiral staircase, through strobe lighting and a cloud of smoke.]

GRACE JONES (GJ): Well, you know something? I'm gonna bop you one! You could at least have played one of my songs for Christs sakes!! Sit down! So this is his show, so, I can do whatever I want.

GN: You can, because I adore you.

GJ: But who was it? I love Disco, any Disco is good.

GN: It was good Disco wasn't it?

GJ: It was great!

GN: [pauses] It's Grace Jones on my show, I can't belive it!

GJ: [laughs]

GN: Now this would probably make very dull television, but I thought we could just sit here for the next 7 minutes and say: Your'e fantastic! Over and over again.

GJ: [Laughs]Oh, and I would just blush and my head would just get bigger and bigger, and my hat would get bigger...

GN: I don't think that's possible Grace, I think hats extended now.

GJ: Yeah, it looks like a pole-pit doesn't it? It looks spiritual, doesn't it? Can't you see a glow? You know in-between the lines? [no response] Come on guys!

GN: What? In a sort of Rosemary's Baby way?

GJ: You'll have to go to the dark side!

GN: Well, it's scary.

GJ: Yes, dear, it's not only scary it's dangerous!

GN: [Serious] I beleive you. But the thing is Grace, you are absolutely cool in terms of fasion, music, you know, your'e absolutely it!

GJ: Hmmm.....

GN: But then it comes to the acting. And you've done Conan The Destroyer, and, er, sex senes with Roger More. I mean how..., shagging Roger!

GJ: [Gasps] Don't get on Rogers case.

GN: Was there a clause you wern't allowed to touch his hair, were you?

GJ: Oh no! Really. Well I think he must have been afraid of me.

GN: Oh really?

GJ: Well yeah. You know he kinda got scared, he'd say, "Grace.....stop looking at me like that" I think I was scaring him, because I was getting in to the character, just hating him, and HATING HIM, like everytime I looked at him I wanted him TO DIE!! So I think he was afraid, I could do anything I wanted. So.

GN: God! Because you do have that thing don't you, where you image is quite strong. Does it frighten men mostly?

GJ: [Slowly] Hmmm...Yes..but it's meant to do that, only good ones come through you see, only strong ones.

GN: Talking about strong ones, you went out once Lundgren, didnt you?

GJ: We don't talk about that!! I'm a married woman now dear! HOW DARE YOU!! [Grace stands up] Are you trying to ruin my life! Are you trying to get me a divorce!

GN: No,no...

GJ: I told you not to do that before the show. Do you know what that is like? Did you ever see that movie? You know which movie I'm talking about? Four weddings and YOUR funeral! [Laughs, sits back down]

GN: And how many weddings have you had?

GJ: Oh! Only one! The last one, till DEATH do us part, remember!

GN: And you have a lovely husband now, and his name is, Atilla. [Crowed laughs]

GJ: Oh, you remember.... [to audience], he's not joking.

GN: No, I'm not.

GJ: He looks like an Atilla as well.

GN: He's big isn't he?

GJ: Yes, he.......

GN: [Interupting] Is he the biggest man you've ever slept with?

GJ: [Standing up, hitting Graham] I'M GOING TO SLAP YOU!! [Audience goes wild] NO, HE'S GETTING DISGUSTING! [Grabbing hold of Grahams mouth, and shoving it closed] SHUT UP!!

GN: I was just interested,...[screams]

GJ: SHUT UP!!! Shall we go to the break now, don't you think! [Audience applaud] I was really choking him you know. Have you lost you voice yet?

GN: Getting close.

GJ: Really, give me your tongue!

GN: Oh no, Grace I love you....

GJ: I want your tongue!!! [Graham puts out his tongue slightly] Come on. Don't be afraid, you can do better than that! [Grace goes to grab it]

GN: Ahh, no!

[They both sit and calm down]

GJ: So you want to talk about sex, why don't you just whip it out? [Looking at his crotch, audience go wild!]

GN: It's little wonder why gay men love you! They do don't they?

GJ: [Laughs] What, because I'm so.. [Grace moves her tongue in and out]

GN: Have you seen this thing on the internet? There are these people and they love you so much. Here we are, [both turning to computer] "Biblical Tales Of The Goddess", look, Chapter one [He reads of the computer] "Before God there was Grace. And she spoke "Let there be God" And there was God." Have you seen this before?

GJ: God, never!

GN: Well two mad people in San Francisco have done this.

GJ: Don't put my brain into this thing, I think it eats brains!

GN: [Under his breath] Oh, God it's full.

GJ: [Crowed laughs] You thought I wouldn't get that, did you! Oh, this is so much fun! [Grace sits down again]

GN: Well the thing is I found a fantastic magazine....

GJ: Oh, your'e gonna get me in more trouble again!

GN: It's called "Jock", and I got it home, and 'nary' a Scottish person in it!

GJ: No!! Well you shoudn't have bought it, you shou'ave checked it first!

GN: Well it has lots of ad's for gay chat rooms, so I thought we'd gaive 'em a call and..., using..Teddy Phone. [brings out a phone which is a giant soft toy]

GJ: Oh, so cute....I love Teddy!

GN: Well, who have we got..Bob! This is bizarre, he's well built and into nude appartment cleaning. We have to talk to him.

GJ: He's probably a nudist, and probably wants to work with nudists. I mean they're a dying breed.

[Graham dials number, Bob picks up]

GN: Hello, is that Bob, I got your number from Hardcore are you the guy who's int nude appartment ceaning.

BOB (B): Yes.

GN: Is that like a living or a hobby?

B: [Inaudible respose]

GN: Well anyway, get this, it's so cool, I'm sitting here with...Grace Jones.

B: [Close up of Teddy Phone] ....No! Listen if you really were, it would be an honour.

GN: Well listen.. [passes phone to Grace]

GJ: This is me, how can I proove it dear?

B: Well, I'm a product of the 70's, Village People etc, I know them.

GJ: Oh really, well one of them used to dance with me, do you know which one?

B: ....Who?

GJ: Randy, the Cowboy, you ask him, is that enough proof?

B: Is this really Grace Jones?!

GJ: What?!!

B: Listen, I've met a lot of famous people around New York City, just by bumping into them, so anythings possible.

GN: Sorry! I tought you'd be pleased Bob!

B: Well I am, but if it really is, where have you been? Are you getting old and tired or what?! [Audience goes mad]

GJ: [Lunges at Teddy Phone] Where have YOU been!! YOU'VE BEEN WORKING NUDE IN AN APPARTMENT!!! [Manic applause]

B: Are you partying there?

GN: Yes we are, Grace sing a line from a song.

B: La Vie En Rose..

GJ: What, you want me to sing in French?

B: I would love it.

GJ: [sings] Quand il me prend dans ses bras, Il me parle tout bas Je vois la vie en rose Il me dit des mots d'amour, there, you happy, you got enough! [Audience shout and applaud]

B: If you send me a photo...

GJ: I'll send you an old tired, washed up picture!

B: time you're in New York, I'll clean your appartment for free.

GN: Bob, your'e the luckiest poof on the planet, goodbye! [Hangs up] Well, thats it, I'd like to thank my geust Grace Jones, and I'll see you next week.